Krish Phua

“Your ‘yes’ means nothing if you can’t say ‘no’.” Do you agree? Consider this: “If you can share a ‘no,’ I can trust your ‘yes.’” Read it twice. It is a very powerful statement.

Have you ever questioned your own sexual attractiveness after being rejected by your partner? You’re not alone. In fact, married couples may be surprised to find that they have a mismatched libido, which is most noticeable after their honeymoon phase. Here’s a story of how one newly married couple bravely journeyed together and recalibrated their libidos.

“Every day I eat, play, sleep and repeat. Is it wrong to live my life like this?”, asked a tertiary student during a talk that I recently conducted. Well, this could be an easy or a difficult question to answer, depending on who the person is asked to answer it…

“Hurt people; hurt people.” This phrase has a certain element of truth. Think about it. If we pay sufficient attention to those who knowingly or unknowingly cause suffering to others, they are likely to be observed as unhappy people in the first place.

“And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?” I experienced an epiphany after reading these wise words! I thanked this anonymous person profusely! To me, placing ourselves as a priority does not make us immoral, egoistic, narcissistic, self-centred, or selfish.

“So, what are the KPIs of counselling?”, “How do you know it is successful?”, “How long can it be effective for?” I asked a counsellor friend of mine 10 years ago.

Imagine that I suddenly sneeze uncontrollably and loudly during a therapy session with you. Your reaction to my embarrassing moment in the therapy room could be an indication of your relationship with me. This was how Dr Theodore Jacobs, a child and adolescent psychoanalyst as well as an adult analyst, perceived his client’s therapeutic alliance with him.

Some of my clients told me that our relationship is much more intimate and special than with their life partners, family members and even close friends. What they meant was their willingness and unreserved sharing with me about their deepest and innermost desires, secrets, fears, regrets, pains, woes and other things they have not disclosed, or ever will, with others.

If we could change one thing about us, what would it be? Would it be our appearance, personality, ability, physical health, mental wellness, emotional well-being, family, relationship, finance, career, education or environment?

Which role do we normally play in our lives? Persecutor, Rescuer or Victim? How do we feel when playing such role(s)? More importantly, how do we know when enough is enough?

“I want to get out of this room, I feel uncomfortable.” Mr. A said to me three times during our second counselling session. Yet, he stayed, not just for the current session but subsequent sessions as well. Mr. A’s anxiety and hesitation are understandable as counselling does sound scary to the uninitiated. Why is this so?